Foodlationship

My relationship with food has forever been sour. Early in life I found comfort in eating, and developed a poor understanding of portion control. Often I would find myself over-eating or eating in secret. I thought that if no one saw me eat, I wasn't actually eating. Soon my weight issues took their toll on my self esteem. I fell into a depressive slump, stopping my eating all together. Over 80lbs lost and I still wasn't satisfied with my image. It wasn't until I met my boyfriend, the most patient and kind person in the world, that I realized that starving myself was ruining my health. Although it was mentally challenging, I began to eat more regularly and put weight back on. I stopped tracking my weight and accepted being heavier again.

In my first year of college my father fell ill. He had been sick with cancer on and off for my whole life, but this time was different. My mother spent hours researching holistic medicine and whole-food lifestyles, an approach we'd never tried. It was then that I was introduced to, and sort-of fell in love with, the macrobiotic way of eating. Macrobiotics gave me hope for a better "foodlationship". My mom and I decided to join the whole-food train with my dad. Alas, he hated this new lifestyle, refused to eat many a thing, and eventually we all reverted back to our old habits. My father passed away a short time after, which was a real eye-opener for me. I came to the conclusion that if I did not worry about my health now, I might have to leave this world at a young age, too.

I was determined to improve my health not just through exercise, but with food. I began my own research, I watched documentaries, read reports and studies, and followed people that inspired me to do good for my health. And, for the last two and a half years I have been striving for a 80%-90% macrobiotic lifestyle. In my studies I often found the terms "Go Raw" and "Raw Food". This peaked my curiosity, and slowly my studies shifted from macro to raw. I have gone raw for a few days at a time, and although that isn't much, I still felt less weighed down by what was in my body and more willing to move. But, I was new to the whole idea and failed the three or so times I said I was "GOING RAW".

Fast forward to present day, I am still wanting to improve my "foodlationship" and thought, "WHAT ABOUT RAW?". In all this time I've studied the ideals, learned new recipes, tried out some too! But I'd never thought about raw as something that may actually fight for me. And so I begin this new chapter in my life. I am confident that my knowledge and determination to keep healthy will get me far. I am prepared to fall off track, because I am human, and things happen. But prepping for this will make sure  I am not disappointed in myself when I do fall.

I hope this blog reaches out to those of you struggling with an eating disorder. I hope it reaches the sick who have never thought about whole-food as a cure for their illnesses. I hope my journey into RAW inspires someone out there to change their "foodlationship" for the better. For anyone reading, I encourage you to educate yourself about the wonderful world of whole-foods, and hope you strive to be the healthiest, happiest you.

-Stephanie